Lattari, Katie - Dark Things I Adore by Lattari Katie

Author:Lattari, Katie [Lattari, Katie]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Sourcebooks
Published: 2021-05-06T00:00:00+00:00

Thesis

Her Dark Things by Audra Colfax

Piece #5: Anything for the Baby

Oil and mixed media on canvas. 48″ x 24″.

[Close-up of a rippled swath of copper-honey fabric, draped like warm butterscotch in countless folds, with fine, black tassels spilling off the left edge of the canvas. Found objects incorporated throughout by layering.]

Note on graph paper found folded in a Ladies’ Home Journal at the Dunn residence.

I kind of miss my parents.

the apartment me and Brady have is a little dingy and small and

it doesn’t get the best light in the daytime and I’m finding that the lack

of light is not helping my moods.

I’m trying the meds again

to be better for

the baby

not drown for the baby.

I want to be good for the baby but feel like

wilting fern

dying grass

a sunflower stalk with a broken neck, halved on itself that’s us in here

or me, anyway.

Brady seems alright

the baby, I don’t know

I wonder if it can feel

the lack of light too, somehow.

But I’m trying

healthy meals, long walks, therapy

shoulder rubs from Brady, gentle music.

I hope

the baby can feel that.

That I’m trying.

—July88. CD.

Note on yellow legal paper found folded under a drawer liner in Cindy Dunn’s dresser at the Dunn residence.

I just cry ALL the time now

even with

(M) even

when I take them to my

FAVORITE place to my boulder and birch

through the WOODS

to my clearing

even then it’s not enough

our secret treks our

clandestine expeditions

even then I cannot be

an artist without my mind

free I cannot be an artist

but I am not one of them M says

so he sketches me like that

he loves it

crying

again and again and again

because what else can we

do

—July88. CD.

Note in tiny handwriting on food-stained scratch paper found tucked behind a photo of Cindy Dunn and her mother in a picture frame at the Dunn residence.

My body is changing and feels

odd and ALIEN to me alien to me outside of me BEYOND ME and gets

odder and more alien with each passing day

there’s a DENSITY inside of me I feel like I don’t have

access

to anymore this pocket of space where

the baby the baby the baby the baby the baby the baby

is like a black hole HEAVY inescapable

a place inside of me that doesn’t even belong to me anymore

and instead of feeling GRACIOUS about it viewing it as an

expansion of my temple for a new sacred room

it feels like I’m being SIPHONED

reappropriated

CUT away

leaving me with less

the FOX and her KIT

gnawing glistening little TEETH

to get myself back I’m pausing the meds

I need myself back I NEED NEED NEED

to feel a different better kind of way

I’ll try ANYTHING for the baby for me

for us

M thinks it’s a good idea

M thinks I’ve got it just right

—Aug88. CD.

Entry in a journal found hidden inside Cindy Dunn’s suitcase in the Dunn residence.

Brady says I can draw my

DOODLES right here he sometimes calls them

doodles

and I fucking HATE that

he tells me to use that energy to draw

YOU things, baby

to draw you little pictures and frame them for your nursery

or do a MURAL on your bedroom wall and then I sit down and

TRY to do that while

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